The Broken Sonnet

The Bucket List

I just turned 27 today and as far as my years have gone by I’ve felt  I’ve been missing a lot of what there is to life. It happened two years ago when finally I had raised questions to myself that I could not answer on my own. The what if’s of life stuck on my head but no action taken to try and make a difference. I could feel emptiness creeping in my soul and so, I’ve been on a quest to my life’s meaning. I’ve decided to make a brave turn and  be free spirited with my endeavours.

I randomly list the what if’s I have in mind, a bucket list of some sort that I  somehow  want to accomplish if possible with in my existence. Some are long term and some are short term goals, some I’ve already accomplished and some are on the process, planning to be done. ( A good sign that I’m getting there.) Some may be unrealistic for my competence and resources but it can be realistic if I would believe and pursue that I can.

So it is written:

1. become a world traveler

2. do zip line, bungee jumping, sky diving, water rafting, scuba diving etc.

3. wise investment for financial profit

4. travel at local tourist spots  

5. run on a marathon

6. a change of career, probably to become a chef or a photographer or a tourist guide

7. learn to bake

8. own a business, probably a resto or a pastry shop or a clothing line or a travel agency

9. do water rafting

10. watch a movie alone

11. do mountain climb or trekking

12. fall in love again to the right man whom I’ll spend the rest of my life happy with

13. get married, have kids preferrably minimum of 2 and maximum of 4 and live happily ever after like on a fairy tale

14. own a house and make it a HOME

15. learn how to drive… a four wheel vehicle…

16. sail on a cruise ship

17. pet a cute dog, one which will be a member of the Family

18. see a real life PANDA

19. in my simplest way, do something noble for a cause that somehow can make a remarkable difference on other people’s lives

20. capture every moment and scene with my camera

21. eat a big slice of New York style Pizza freshly made in NY

22. meet Mario Batali… my favorite Iron Chef and have one on one tutorial on the well -loved Italian  pizzas and pastas

23. eat Coney dog topped with all the toppings I can hold on for a bite

24. taste every mouth watering chocolates in Paris

25. buy mom and dad a vacation house where they can retire when we (siblings) moved out of the house

And the list goes on… It needs time and persistence to achieve them. I somehow believe that if I have the motivation to do these things, along the way, I can finally meet my purpose in life and fill the emptiness with in my being. It has always been up to me to make it happen even if others will push me on doing but in the absence of my willingness nothing would changed. If I won’t push myself, I would be left staring blankly in dismay with no fulfilment and the questions still haunting me of regret.

In realization, we don’t need death to define how we live our life each day as if it is our last. We only need the conviction that every second of our lives is worth living. Let us live our lives as worthy as we can,  may it be in the simplest or intricate ways we want to be  because we are only given one life with no replays or rewinds. So best, if we live it without regret.

 

So I leave you with this quote:

I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.

                                                                                                                         -Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho  

Thinking Too Much

I had been sentimental for the past days. I really don’t know what or who have caused it. But somehow it made me want to regret some events in my life including people who I have met. It made me realize as much as I long for those who I’m fond of the more I don’t want to have anything to do with them. Not that I loathe them but rather I fear that they only be familiar faces to me if we grow apart and haven’t shared what we used to for a long time. How I valued these memories pained me that I don’t know how to keep hold of the one’s I shared them with, as we, and everything around me evolve and change in time. I live in the past that I can’t accept the change because I feel, I am not being myself when I’m with them now, and not as I used to then. I’m struggling for answers with every bit that I can find to save what is left of my sanity. I don’t know why the sudden gush of troubled emotions ached my heart, it formed a lump in my throat and heaviness on my eyes. I wanted this feeling to fade away. It only brought me sadness, longing and pain. Sometimes I wanted to delete the memories I had grown with them as if they never existed and so do I.

He vs. She

The tale of He said vs. She said rekindles as long as what he thinks does not meet up with what she thinks and vise-versa. I have come up with a list of 5 observations I have between the battle of the gender.  So please feel  free to react and correct me if I’m wrong  with my premises or if I’m beginning to sound bias since I belong to the female species. This holds that what I am writing is not 100% percent reliable if you  based it on sociological studies and statistics because these are only part of the daily enconter I have with people who openly share their stories to me. I just want to share the issues in my perspective. So here it goes…

1. Women tend to look at things more than what it seems while men, on the other hand, meant things as it is, nothing more, nothing less.

I am guilty of this one. I won’t deny it. But here’s a good story to relate on this. I have this friend who had met a guy elsewhere. At the early stage of getting to know, they had the casual conversations until the guy gave an impression to the girl that he likes her. And why did the girl think so? It’s because the guy plays sweet and nice to her which she assumed more than what the guy is showing.  Therefore the girl read the wrong signals because all of a sudden (after a month of sweetness) the guy rarely gets in touch with her. It is a subtle act of coquetry men display that resulted to a misunderstanding which can be out of control because in nature women see it in exagerration.  Not that women are excused from being flistatious but the difference is that when women flirt, they really find interest to the opposite sex. So to keep it simple, it’s way better to be plain-spoken than assuming  because definitely it complicates the obvious.   

2. Most women are sensitive and sentimental while most men are numb- insensitive

I don’t know why women are too emotional creatures, so delicate. Possibly they have too many hormones in their bodies that elate and depress from time to time (especially during their cycles). Mood swings. I think men intentionally let women feel they are insensitive so as not to tolerate women’s  hypersensitivity. But somehow men knows when to woo their women.  

3. Most women are naggers and whiners while most men are silent (quiet) and understated

Since, women are  more expressive often they release these overflowing emotions through words. Words which are deafening to Men’s ears so apparently I think most men just pretend to hear them. Its like passing from the right ear and exiting to the left as if they never heard them at all. In which case can be either a good or bad idea. Good in the sense that it ends the battle of words because there would be no clashing of arguments and bad, in the sense that it can also worsen the situation because women may assume that they are being ignored. But somehow in a relationship, one is domineering than the other, it balances the differences of both.

4. Women have keen  memory, they are so precise and vivid while men have (selective) amnesia, or they just have short attention span so they easily forget.

I have this friend who I exchange conversation with about anything under the sun. Then for the consecutive days we were talking on the phone I noticed he kept on asking me the same question for the nth time which I totally remembered giving him the same answer for the nth time too. Funny, i dont know if I’m just a good listener that  I pay attention to whatever he says or its just I am interested to him. So it made me think, has he got a bad memory or merely he’s not engrossed with whatever I’m blabbering about that’s why he can’t retain the info in his head. Lol.

5. When women say don’t she means it the opposite (simply she means do it), so men are confused and take it literally as it is.

Men are weak when it comes to reading in between the lines. And by far women are full of twist and turn, it is how they play the “Come and get me”  part of the game. Men should manage to understand their women. Clearly, I sound bias but it is a fact that women should not only be loved and taken good care of by their men but as well be indulged with utmost understanding.

I guess a few did relate when you read this. I just hope I laid the rightful judgement of my observations on the issues between men and women, if not detailed at least I did give my point. More so to end it, I’ll let you ponder about the rest. ^_^

Letter to Self

 

Dear Self,

     Heal your heart from melancholy. It has been a year or more that your heart had grown weary. Happiness is not found on someone else’s hands but it must emanate within the self. You can triumph over solitude through time. Be patient. It will be worth the wait. Felicity will knock on your door one day. And it will be the fate meant for you.

     Keep the faith. Love yourself.

 

Sincerely,

BrokenSonnet